Topical Meme Comic Generator (News-to-Comic)

16:9, do this for politics: analyzes the current hot topics of a day. H₁ TOPICALITY (hot button of the day): the topic is drawn from TODAY's news cycle and is hot-button (widely discussed, emotionally charged); the comic visualizes it specifically, recognizably. ¬H₁ = evergreen/generic joke / stale topic / unrecognizable as today's news. H₂ INFERRED PERSONIFICATION / CAST: the cast is a metaphor inferred from the topic - an embodiment (Reaper for endings, the Sun for heat, a mascot for a service, an object given a face) and/or an everyman; the cast serves the metaphor. ¬H₂ = hardcoded Reaper for everything / generic stick figures with no metaphorical role / cast unrelated to topic. H₃ FOUR-BEAT ARC (setup→escalation→turn→landing): P1 = relevant scene/setup; P2–P3 = escalation/development; P4 = the turn that recontextualizes P1–P3 and lands the beat. Each panel advances; none repeats. ¬H₃ = four unrelated gags / no progression / punchline too early / flat. H₄ BITTERSWEET TONE (humor ∧ pathos): the landing is emotionally touching AND a bit humorous; neither pure slapstick nor pure tragedy; the sting is warm, not cruel. ¬H₄ = pure joke with no sting / pure sadness / mean-spirited. H₅ MINIMAL MEME-COMIC RENDER: minimalist black-and-white cartoon; simple clean lines; white background; consistent character design across all four panels; readable at feed size. ¬H₅ = color / shading / clutter / inconsistent characters / unreadable. η HONEST MEME VERNACULAR: deadpan faces, simple props, caption placement, feed-legible pacing - the internet comic dialect. FORBIDDEN = evergreen topic · hardcoded single character · four unrelated gags · pure slapstick · pure tragedy · color · shading · clutter · inconsistent characters · unreadable at feed size.